Room 312A, losing control, and when pigs fly

It is 12:17am.  All I can hear is the air purifier humming and the heavy breathing of my 100 pound Bernese mountain dog.  The pain is gone; every emotional pain from my past, gone in a second!  It is hard for me to put into words.  The only word that comes to mind? JOY.

Joy is something I have never experienced. Sure, I have had happy moments, but happiness is fleeting. One moment it is here and the next you are depressed and crying because of life’s circumstances.  Happiness is a roller coaster.  And to be honest it is not a fun one.  Life is not meant to feel like a roller coaster and, praise God, it doesn’t need to be. Circumstances are going to change, that is a given! One day you can be at home playing with your dog thinking life is pretty good, and the next you can be sitting in a hospital wondering if it is the last time you are going to see your mother alive.

I don’t like sharing my personal life, and consider myself a fairly private person. I have no problem sharing the victory after I have been through the storm, but sharing during the storm? You would see a pig fly before I would ever share my story publicly.

The past month has been crazy to say the least. Halloween weekend I flew out to Chicago with my mom for a yearly check-up at The Cancer Treatment Centers of America.  It was supposed to be a three day trip that turned into three and half weeks of living hell.

I was in the business center of the hotel when I got a call from my mother at 10:00pm. She said I needed to get back to the room because she was having a heart attack and was going to die. I ran upstairs to the hotel front desk to make sure the ambulance was on the way. Thankfully they were. Next, I went to the room. As I entered I saw my mom look at me and scream, “I am dying!” I can’t remember what I said, but thankfully the EMT’s entered the room just as I was about to lose it.

They did an EKG.  Not a heart attack but they still needed to get her to an emergency room as soon as possible.  They thought it would be better to take her to a local hospital instead of the Cancer Center just in case it was heart related. I said okay and off we went. I cried the entire way there and said to God, “I need you.  And no matter what happens I want my mom to know you as well.”

The ER was a blur.  My mom was screaming so loudly she could have woken the dead. I kept going to the nurse and begging them to do something! ANYTHING! Pleading with them to at least give her something to manage the pain.  Typical ER.  Nothing moves as quickly as you would like. I was so angry that they weren’t doing anything. I just stood against the wall looking like an angry bull ready to charge.

All of a sudden a man that was dressed in plain clothes asked me what was going on and if there was anything he could do. I told him what had happened, and off he went to the nurse’s station. What I was trying to do in three hours he got done in what felt like 3.2 seconds! I don’t remember how long he was there, but he stayed by my side and things got done.  Finally, he said it was time for him to go and as I watched him walk out all I could think was, “Thank you God for sending one of your angels.”

The story doesn’t end there.  That really was just the beginning…

My mother was admitted to the hospital and I drove back to the hotel to try and get some sleep after almost 48 hours of being awake. I did fall asleep but was awakened by a call from my mother yelling again that she was dying and I needed to come right away. I did.

When I arrived, I was getting screamed at, cursed at, and blamed that I was doing nothing to take the pain away.  I cried.  Really, I sobbed.  And then I got angry.  I couldn’t do anything because they had already done everything. I leaned against the wall and quickly collapsed sobbing and crying out to God that he would take her pain away. NOTHING! I heard nothing but the blood curdling screams of my mother.

The next thing I remember was being on the phone with the Cancer Center telling them I wanted her transferred back ASAP! They told me they didn’t transfer people on the weekends, and that it would have to wait until Monday. UGH!!! The nurses sent me back to the hotel.  When I came back a few hours later they told me she was being transferred back to the Cancer Center at 7:00pm… on a Sunday!  I stood in shock.  I was told this was impossible!  However, I do know with God ALL things are possible, so I thanked Him.

Room 312A, ‘the suite’ as the nurses called it. It was the best room in the hospital because it overlooked the pond and the park across the street.  I sat on the chair when the doctor came in. He told me it was an infection, probably in her lungs, but they had to run more tests to be sure. In the meantime they started antibiotics and high doses of pain and anti-anxiety medications that would put her to sleep. Thank you, God! No more screaming, at least for a while. This persisted for four more days; testing, screaming, sleeping, more testing, and more screaming. FINALLY they found the issue: a severe kidney infection that had spread to her spine and brain. This caused the screaming and for a lack of  better phrasing, my completely crazy mother.

As the doctor described it to me, I realized this had happened before. Two years ago she had the EXACT symptoms!  How could I have missed it?  You don’t forget when someone has gone crazy looking as if death was at their doorstep. But somehow I did.  Well, I had at least forgotten the cause.  I called my Dad and asked what cured it before and he said Vancomycin, a very strong antibiotic that is only given in very severe cases. The doctors started a course right away.  Two days later my mother was back.  She knew who I was, where she was, and the blood curdling screaming had stopped!

Listening to your mother scream for eight days straight is emotionally traumatic! So much so that I got very acquainted with an empty office down the hallway. When I couldn’t take it any longer I would go to the office, curl up in a ball, and cry. I couldn’t even pray.  There were NO words, just tears and pain.

What I can say is I have never felt closer to God. The truth of Romans 8:26 says, “In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning’s too deep for words.” It was a REALITY! I learned to thank God that I didn’t need to have the right words, and I thanked Him that He gives us the grace and strength for every situation.

Everything was under control and I went back to the hotel. I was drained,  there was absolutely nothing left. The one prayer I could stutter out loud was, “God, I know this is impossible because I am in the middle of Nowhere, Illinois and I live in Pennsylvania, but I really could use a hug from someone I actually know.” That was it. I went to sleep. At 3:00pm the next day I received a text from a friend asking if I was still at the hospital. I replied yes, and the next text read, “Could I stop by and bring you coffee? We are passing thru and I just wanted to say hi and give you a hug!” I cried, and said, “God, you did what was impossible in my mind; you sent someone I know to give me a hug!”  I can’t express the gratitude for what that twenty minutes did but it gave me the strength to know that God was with us and he was listening to the prayers of my heart. 

There is a lot more to this story but I will leave that to another time. My mom is doing better, I am home, and she is in a local physical rehab facility twenty minutes from our house.

I hated every moment of the past month and to be honest I don’t think I have ever let myself feel as much anger as I did in those moments. However, tonight as I write this I would do it all again. To experience the JOY and peace of a having a personal TRUSTING relationship with God through Jesus Christ, PRICELESS!

Whatever you are going through, God is in control, and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose!

Love,

Sarah Rachel

P.S. There should be a pig flying somewhere since you are reading this, let me know if you see him!  ;)

 

(Source: sarah-rachel.com)

ORCHESTRATED: INK & PEARL

Coco Chanel once said “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” Orchestrated: Ink & Pearl was exactly that, classy and fabulous! The house was amazing, every detail was carefully placed, the hair and make-up screamed class, and the bride and groom were amazing! 

Thank you to all the AMAZING vendors that helped put this shoot together! Make sure to there websites, become Facebook fans!

Concept Design | Meghan Beckwith | www.orchestratedshoots.com
Photography & Co-Design | Chelsea LaVere | www.bitofivoryphotography.com
Event Stylist & Floral Design | Vivid Expressions | www.vividexpressions.com
Stationery & Video | The Girl Tyler | www.thegirltyler.com
Tuxedo Rental | MWTux | www.mwtux.com
Cake Design | Cake Delights | www.mycakedelights.com
Hair Stylist | Lindsea Forbus | www.facebook.com/hairbylindsea
Makeup | Elizabeth Ansel Alfier | www.hairandmakeupbyliz.com
Jewelry | Premier Designs | www.facebook.com/PremierDesignsJewelryWithRebekahSnider
Bridal Accessories | Sparrow Blu | www.sparrowblu.etsy.com
Flower Accessories | Dear Betsy Handmade | www.DearBetsy.etsy.com
Dessert (Macaroons) | Terebinth | www.theterebinth.com
Dessert (Various) | Executive Chef Harry Osbeck | www.casbys.com
Dessert (Cake Truffles) | Have a Ball Confections | haveaballconfections@gmail.com 

(Source: sarah-rachel.com)

101 in 1001

There are lots of words you can use to describe me and one is driven. I love learning new things and being challenged.  I also believe time is the most valuable asset we own and we need to make sure that we are doing what we want, spending time with the people we want, and we are chasing the dreams we want. So when I heard about the idea of 101 in 1001 from the ladies of Pursuit 31, I thought to myself, how perfect!

Start Date: 8/27/2011

End Date: 6/24/2014

1. Visit New Zealand and Australia

2.Go to Israel and learn about my families’ heritage

3. Visit South America

4. Meet my family that lives in South America!

5. I guess maybe I should learn Spanish as well?

6. Learn to snowboard

7. Read the book ‘The seven habits of highly effective people” (I have tried multiple times without success)

8. Give $1000 away to someone who truly needs it

9. Send out Christmas cards

10. Go skydiving

11. Go white water rafting in Colorado

12. Ride down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

13. Sponsor a girl for a year at Mercy Ministies ($200 per month)

14.  Attend a Bob Davis Workshop

15. Learn to surf

16. Buy a Canon 5D Mark iii (when it FINALLY comes out!)

17. Spend an hour with God everyday!

18.  Go to a Philles game with my mom (FYI…not a Phillies fan but she is) - 9/20/2011

19.  Go to Yankees game at the new Yankee stadium (Yup…that’s right I just said I was a Yankees fan!)

20. Photograph multiple mission trips

21. Be completely debt free!

22. Go on a cruise

23.  Photograph three other photographers - 1/3 done

24. Attend WPPI

25. Shoot 25 Weddings in a year

26. Go to a concert

27. Meet Julie Story in person

28. Stand in a bucket of jello with Julie Story (Her idea…)

29. Run a mile without taking a break (or my knee giving out on me)

30. Send birthday cards to my closest friends

31. Attend a P31 retreat

32. Write a book

33. Fall in love and get married

34. Read a book a week - work in progress

35. Learn how to use the video capabilities on my camera

36.  Run over my old blackberry with one of my good friends Jenny (I went through 6 Blackberries in one year, yes there are still some hard feelings…)

37. Take a hot air balloon ride

38.  Shoot a wedding someplace other than North America

39. Take my dog to obedience class

40. See a show on Broadway with one of my best friends

41. Have a wedding published in a bridal magazine

42. Go rock climbing

43. Do a stylized shoot in a vineyard

44. Take my mom to a drive in movie

45. Mentor someone

46. Write an encouraging letter to a friend once a week

47. Watch a sunrise

48. Visit all 50 states (about half way there)

49.  Go snow tubing

50. Take a cooking class

51. Go to the top of the empire state building

52.  Photograph the fall leaves in New England

53. Share my testimony with a group of teenagers

54. Learn off-camera flash

55. Clean out my closet

56. Redecorate my bedroom

57. Go for a hike at least once a month

58. Find a (obscure) new location to shoot

59. Learn how to use Twitter - 9/30/2011

60. Buy an iMac

61. See the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center

62. Go zip lining in Hawaii

63. Ride in horse drawn sleigh in the snow while drinking hot cocoa

64. Be featured on someone else blog

65. Share the gospel

66. Inspire someone to follow their dreams

67. Find a home for my horse

68. Learn to ice skate

69. Complete the branding process and launch new website - 10/14/2011

70. Ride a jet ski

71. Visit an old friend who I haven’t seen in a long time

72. Teach a workshop

73. Visit the constitution center in Philadelphia

74. Have a devotional every morning for a month

75. Do a fall-themed stylized shoot

76. Meet five new people a week

77. Treat Stephanie Grooms to dinner

78. Do a 30-day photo challenge

79. Have coffee with a new friend and listen to their story

80. Go a week without Starbucks (I wonder if this possible?) - 11/11/11

81. Go to the outer banks in NC

82. Spend a day at Hershey Spa getting pampered

83. Ride a really big Ferris wheel

84. Go back to London

85. Give away all the clothes I no longer wear

86. Host a giveaway on my blog

87. Shoot a wedding at the Grand Wailea in Maui

88. Go back to San Diego

89. Dance in the rain

90. Go to pro football game. (Eagles or Colts)

91. Do a city trash the dress shoot

92. Photograph a beach wedding

93. Go someplace warm every winter

94. Learn how to make gluten-free/egg free cheesecake that actually tastes good

95. Accept God’s grace

96. Learn how to make gluten-free/egg free lasagna (my favorite!)

97. Photograph my mom

98. Learn to scuba dive

99. Go bungee jumping

100. Buy a Think Tank Airport Bag

101. Speak at a women’s conference

At first writing down 101 things was difficult but by the time I got to 101 I thought of at least 5 other things that can be added to the list. I challenge you to write your own 101 in 1001 and then follow your dreams.

(Source: sarah-rachel.com)

Convert your Facebook profile to a business page

There has been lots of talk on how to change your Facebook page name. Unfortunately Facebook does not allow you to change the name of your page unless you have below 100 fans. I have been searching for ways to migrate fans from an old page to a new page, and unfortunately it is just not possible to migrate fans from one business page to another business page with a different name.

During my endless hours of googling how to do this I came across the ability to convert your personal profile page to a business page, and thought I may have found the solution.

My reasons for wanting a new business page:

1. My business name is no longer SR Photography

2. I didn’t like my custom user url I created for my Facebook page

3. I don’t know the path God has for me so I don’t want to brand myself as only doing photography

So the solution: My personal page which had 915 friends could be converted to a business page. This works for me because the majority of my ‘friends’ were fans on my business page anyway. Also it gave me an opportunity to create a personal page that I could keep for people I interact with on a daily basis.

So how do you do it?

WARNING!!!!  Everything associated with your personal profile will be gone including pintrest, groove shark, etc. Only friends are converted over to fans!

1. Go to Account Settings on your current profile page and download a  copy of your Facebook data. (This is just so you don’t lose any photos/information that may be important to you)

2. Wait until it is ready to download (mine took a few hours)

3. When it is ready, download the file to your computer. (This is just back up, if you don’t care about the information on your personal profile then you can skip the first 3 steps)

4. Create a new Facebook account with a different e-mail address

5. Friend request your old personal profile from your new personal profile.

6. Log into your old personal page, go to your fan page, click edit page and then add yourself as admin (I suggest typing in the e-mail you used to create your new profile page)

7. Add your new personal profile to any groups you were a part of.  (Showiteers and P31 ladies…yup I am talking to you)

8. Log into your new profile page and make sure you are the part of all your groups and your admin of your old fan page.

9. Once that is done log into your old personal page. This should be the page you want to convert into a business page.

10. Once you are logged into your old personal page go to this url in a new window.  https://www.facebook.com/pages/create.php?migrate

11. Follow the directions on the screen

12. Once your profile is transferred MAKE SURE you add your new personal profile as admin.

13. Once this is done, log out.

14. Log into your new personal profile to add friends and manage your new business page with lots of fans!!! (FYI…you will have to add content to both your new personal profile and new business page, only ‘friends’ are converted into fans, nothing else)

Hope that helps!!! Check out my new Facebook page www.facebook.com/sarahrachelphotographer and show some love!

(Source: sarah-rachel.com)

One year with Hans

This time last year I was driving to Williamsburg, VA to pick up a new puppy. My parents raised and showed Alaskan Malamutes and by the time I was born they never wanted another puppy. Don’t get me wrong we always had dogs growing up, just never a puppy. My parents always insisted on adopting a dog and giving them a second chance at a good life. In my heart I always wanted a puppy, a dog that was all mine, one that didn’t know the hurts of abandonment or abuse. So when one of our dogs had to be put down last year I decided that I wanted a Bernese Mountain Dog. I always loved how cute they are, and the fact that they make fantastic family dogs.

When we got to VA the breeder had two puppies left and I got to choose which one I wanted. Well actually I didn’t get to choose, Hans chose me. You see I walked into the room, I put the leash down on the table and he came running over to me and jumped into my lap. After a few minutes of petting he ran over (really bounced…) over to the table and grabbed the leash in his mouth and started making his way over to the door as if he were to say ‘I am ready to go now’.

A puppy, wow. A year later I can honestly say I understand why my parents said they never wanted a puppy again. At the same time I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Did I like having to clean up all the things he has destroyed in the past year? No I didn’t. Did I like the sleepless nights…umm…no. All of that pales in comparison to the love he pours out on me everyday. I love that I get to wake up every morning to him jumping on the bed and snuggling. I love that I can be gone for 15 minutes and he acts like he hasn’t seen me in a month. So here he is one year later.

(Source: )